Writer's Craft - Slowing down the motion (Part 1)

During my Writer's Craft lessons, I believe that it is important to show pupils samples of good writing and discuss with them why certain phrases or writing techniques are used.

During one of the lessons, I was sharing with the P5 kiddos how authors slow down the motion to create suspense or tension. Firstly, I shared with them how films slow down the motion to create tension. The kiddos nodded their heads and agreed that they had watch such movie scenes before.

Then I shared with the class an excerpt from "January (Conspiracy 365)" to show them how the technique is used.

Telling: 
A shark bumped the boat a few times. Then it turned away. I thought it left but it returned.

Showing using expanding the moment technique:
"Then something bumped into the boat hard. I hoped we'd collided with something submerged, drifting in the water. I looked around. The sky was much lighter but I could't see anything but the chopping waves.

Another bump, this time so hard I almost lost my grip on the rope. I still couldn't see anything but I knew something was out there. I was freezing cold but broke out in a sweat.

A third bump, so hard that it knocked me completely into the water. I splashed and slipped, scrambling back to the top of the upturned boat, hauling myself up by the ridge. In the grey light, I spotted a three-metre shark rolling over, exposing its pale belly before disappearing again.

I waited, sick with fear, praying that it had gone away. I searched around for a weapon - anything to try and defend myself.

Tossing on the waves and just out of my reach, was the jag-hook of the boat.

Yet another powerful bump and the upturned boat and I, clinging desperately above, started to move over the water. The shark was under the boat, powering us along! Any minute now, it would bash through the hull and grab me. Then, just as suddenly as it began the motion stopped. I watched the dorsal fin speed away.

Was it leaving?

The shark had pushed me and the boat closer to the floating debris. I saw, again, the long wooden handle of the jag-hook floating nearby And then, in the background, I saw the vanishing fin slow, turn and flick around. The shark was coming back - and straight for me!"